Can't Take this War
by headurohsnap
Summary: A one-shot from Germany's POV,Set in WW2.


People say that your wounds heal with time.

They weren't in the war.

Felt that cruel cold metal of a gun in your hand,felt the power it gave,knowing that you could now control a life. With just a pull of a trigger,the pull the intertwined fire and death. Never touched the blood that gushed out of a wound,running it over your face,getting a high giddy feeling from seeing it.

Had to wash blood:off of their hands,face,neck,every exposed spot of the body,every night. Feeling that no more how much you washed,it would never come off.

_Ripped two lovers apart,as they screamed and kicked,spit and tears and blood dripping off their facing. Twisting them into such that you no can longer remember them to be a human._

Watched a brother,crying over the man you loved.

Watched your own brother,burned in return.

_Blood for Blood,A Brother for A brother,He screamed at me._

Tried desperately to resurrect the,soul that was long gone. Reaching for the light that once filled your life.

Replacing it with Alcohol,Sex,Drugs,Harder Drugs,eventually you hold that beautiful steel to your own head,it singing a sinister lullaby,its fingers over-lapping your own,coaxing you to pull the trigger.

"Feliciano,my dear,my love,I'm so sorry,I will be with you soon" I whisper in a drunk haze,then see his face,my light is returning.

Triggered pulled.

I remember when he said "I pledge myself fully to your cause"

I had scoffed,and kicked the little Italian out of my house. He wasn't prepared for a war,but his leader managed to convince the Fuhrer that is was a perfect idea.

He would bounced around behind me,everyday. Asking if it was time to eat again or if he could go take a nap,under some random tree we would pass.

An idiot:yes,but he gave me something to smile about. Made me laughed,and feel love. I did fall in love with the boy, I can still see the night I kissed him.

The way his lips felt under mine own,warm. How he clung tightly to me, "I never want you to leave me"He said.

"I couldn't even if I tried"I said,hoping he would realize the truth in my words,and the risk I was taking for even having thoughts like that.

I also learned the difference between:Having Sex and Making Love.

Sex:was a vulgar thing,you did with people who aren't that important to you,its fast. Pushing that person against the wall,ramming your manhood into them,moaning groaning and screams filled the air. Even after you've hit your limit and that person you where with,fall asleep next to you. Its still empty inside.

Making love:Was a beautiful things,only the person you love you can treat so tenderly,losing you breath when you see their body bathed in the moonlight,taking things slowly,tracing your finger along their skin getting goosebumps as they shiver under the light touch. Butterfly kisses on their lips,that trail all the way down their body,blushing,waiting for their approval before entering and moving. Becoming a single unit,working together to create fireworks. Laying next to that person,holding them in your arms,shielding them from the hated all around them. Whispering sweet nothings in their ears,even when they have fallen asleep.

_That was before,my world turned dark_

"_They must all be killed,everyone that isn't worthy of being in my new,pure world_"

"Come on west,kill'em already. It only gets easy" My brother said to me.

As I stood over a crowding man,his eyes widen like an animal. When in fact I was the animal,the killer,the disgrace,the one that didn't belong in a pure world.

I put the gun to his head, "Gott verzeih mir denn ich habe gesundigt".

Gun fired.

Prussia had been wrong,killing got harder.

My brother laughed along with the Fuhrer, "You truly are a man of genius"

His scientist had invented,cleaner way of killing people. Putting them in what was called a "concentration camp".

My Italy,the Northern part sat next to his brother,Romano,The southern part during this meeting.

Its true that I felt a tingle of happiness when I saw him,but it had been several months since I had spent anytime with him. I looked at him,he looked back. The innocence in his eyes was gone,the glow that surrounded him had faded,yet he still managed to smile at me. I knew he still loved me,and I still loved him,but in War,we couldn't afford to show it.

Japan was also present at this meeting,he sat there calm as usual. But there was an air of insanity around him.

I had heard the people in his country,were loving the bloodbath.

I walked into my first camp,in spring 1943. It was the mother of all suffering,the greatest killing machine we had invented. It was sicking,watching the lines of people. One,was to the gas chambers than killed by suffocation. The other,lead them to working to death,either way survival was a little to none chance.

I was later told the name of this place was Auschwitz,and I had an experience that finally pushed me over the edge.

I had been walking towards the trains,with a group of younger soldiers. They were asking me tips,to becoming a better solider. When a woman ran off the train straight into me,she had wild ginger hair and she was screaming at me "Rette mich,Rette mich vor der drunkelheit! Bitte! Ich mochte nicht sterben!" she was holding her stomach,I realized she was with child. Then they shot her,blood splattered all over me.

Everyone apologized,and took me to change me uniform. I sat on a train,walked into my house,and stared at myself in the mirror.

I grabbed my head,and shut my eyes. I could still here her screams,still see her pregnant stomach,still feel the warmness of her and her unborn child's blood covered my face.

I screamed,and the door flew up. Italy was by my side,holding me as I screamed and cried. "Its all over me,it won't wash off. Its in my skin"I said,clutching my eyes shut. He rocked me back and forth,cradling me like a mother would. Something inside me snapped,I throw him off and pushed him against the wall,putting my hands around his neck.

"Sie nicht verstehen,was"I screamed at him,slamming him against the wall again.

"I love you,Ludwig,I love you"He repeated over and over again,wasting his precious breath as I screamed obscenities in German . Blood dripped on my hand,his blood. It shook my core,and I let him go. Refusing to look at him as I slumpped to the floor. Shaking like a leaf, "Feliciano,I'm so sorry" Was all I could get out.

He cupped my face in his hands,forcing me to look up at him. "Kiss me"He said softly,I pressed my lips against his. The world felt right,I pulled him into my lap. My hair was plastered on my face,from the sweat that had produced.

"I can't do this anymore,I'm breaking"I whispered,he kissed me again. It was a feverish kiss,made by a longing deep in our hearts.

It had been nearly a year since we had seen each other.

"My nation wants to leave the war"He said.

"Do you want too?"I asked him

"Yes"He said

"For now,can we just be Feliciano and Ludwig"I asked "I don't want to talk of war in the short time I have with you"

He turned was he was straddling me,and put his arms around my neck. I set my head on his solder,I did want to let go of him.

We made love that evening,it was the best I had felt in a long time. Laying my bed,holding onto my love.

Nothing lasts forever.

"Italy has signed an Armistices with the Allies"Prussia tells me,he is furious. The date is September 8 1943.

I don' think anything on it,until the killings began.

I was lead into north Italy,German troops had gone insane shooting the people that had once be their allies. The Italian troops where fighting back,all I wanted to do was locate Feliciano.

"I told you that Potato sucking Bastard would this"I heard someone scream.

"No,Romano. He didn't order this"I heard Feliciano cry.

I followed the sound of his voice,it lead me to were the two brother were standing.

Romano had bodies surrounding him,a mix of Italians and Germans. He had a shot-gun in his hand,another German solider an inexperienced one ran over to him. He fired the gun,spraying blood all over himself,and a crying Italy. He too had a gun,but he was gripping it tightly.

I turned to leave but one elder saw me,"Hey,Germany!" He shouted.

I stepped into the light,with my gaze downcast. "Why are you doing this" He said,pointing his gun at me.

"Don't do it,Romano"His brother cried,trying to take the gun from him. Romano pushed him to the ground,"Its all his fault,our people are dying. Prima Famiglia,O cosa ti piace di più che li tedesco.

I had been to busy watching Romano sling his gun around,aimlessly to notice my brother approaching behind the two Italians.

Italy noticed,he jumped up and pushed his brother down. I heard screams fill the air,before I realized what had happened.

Then time slowed down,I saw Italy fall,face first into the ground. Blood leaked from under him,his brother was the one that screamed,falling to the ground and pulled his brother into his lap.

My body moved without thinking,I enclosed on the scene,falling to my knee's.

"After the war is over,can we go get some pasta"He said,I put my hand over his wound,the cold blood covering my hand.

Romano's tear streaked down his dirty face,leaving behind lines.

Tears were also flowing from my eyes,I put my face on his chest. Blood covering me,and despite the hateful looks from his brother. I stayed there,Italy touched my cheek. I grabbed his hands "Please you can't leave me" I whispered,kissing each tip of his fingers.

"Lovino,please leave me with him"He said,and I traded spots with the Italian.

"Sangue per Sangue,un fratello per un fratello"He said coldly to me,before running the direction that Prussia had gone.

"Ludwig,hold me in your lap"He asked

I gently put him into a cradling position,kissing his face. "I love you"I said,with every kiss I gave him.

"No here"He said, pointing weakly at his lips.

I kissed him,more tears falling from my eyes. I was reminded of the faces of the one's I had killed.

"Seine alles meine Schuld"I said,gripping the younger man's body.

He opened his mouth to say more,but coughed up blood instead. I shushed him,and rocked back and forth like he had done with me.

So many months ago,I looked at him,the light was disappearing from his eyes,his skin all lost of the color it once held. I knew he was near death, "Ludwig, Non fartene una colpa,io ti amo ancora. Ho sempre e sempre sarà" He put his hand on my cheek again,I held onto it when it became heavy.

"Ruhe in Frieden,mien Engel. Für immer und ewig,Ich werde dich lieben" I said,then stood up and carried him bridal style out of the battefield.

I held a small fuernal for him,just me and his brother. They buried him as the preacher spoke, "Questo giovane italiano sará per sempre perso da suo fratello e amante. Possa la sua anima riposare in pace,e possa avere un dono meraviglioso in cielo come ha fatto sulla terra"

I didn't cry,neither did Lovino. We would save our tears for later,I got a couple of month of grievance because everyone knew,that me and the young Italian had been close friends.

In those months,I became addicted to three things :Alcohol,Drugs and Sex.

It was the night become I was set to return to the military April 2,1945.

I had taken a cocktail of anti-antidepressants,Meth,and Vodka. I put my military uniform on,and grabbed the gun from the wooded cabinet I keep it in.

Stumbled down the hall-way into the living room.

I stroked the gun like it was a precious child,it was.

It was the child of my death.

Eventually you hold that beautiful steel to your own head,it singing a sinister lullaby,its fingers over-lapping your own,coaxing you to pull the trigger.

"Feliciano,my dear,my love,I'm so sorry,I will be with you soon" I whisper in a drunk haze,then see his face,my light is returning.

Triggered pulled.


End file.
